Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Dazed and Confused

So a couple of months ago I reached my 100 pounds down goal. That was my first MAJOR goal. That was me reaching 253 pounds. I had gotten down to 249 since, but really not much more than that. I have been fluctuating from 249 to 256 for these last 2-3 months now. My eating habits are horrible. And I can't seem to stop!

I just feel hungry, all the time. I know it's mind over matter, here. I am not REALLY hungry. I just do it idley. And I'm feeling very depressed lately for a lot of reasons that I won't discuss because technically unrelated to weight loss, although a contributing factor. But I really just need help. I wish I was still in Florida where I can talk to my surgeon and nutritionist for help, or have the referral for a psychiatrist (or whatever title they are) that is used to helping people post WLS. It's just motivation.

It's also financial. I don't have the money to keep up with the protein shakes and since the healthier Atkin's brand bars I usually keep around handy for those times I ABSOLUTELY need chocolate are just as expensive, I dig into things like my boyfriends cereal or I make cookies or cake at $2 a box and icing. Because it is cheaper than $6 for the Atkin's bars and I just cannot afford them.

It makes me depressed that I am not making more money, because it's solely my fault. I am my own boss, my work is based on production and I have felt depressed and unmotivated to work, or then a holiday hits or someone takes a vacation and there is no work even though I was put on a new account. I just need something, to jolt my butt into gear.

I just really put things in a big downward spiral recently with some poor choices I've made. And I can't go in reverse. You can't take back things said or done, whether you want to or not.  You cannot control the effect your actions take on another human being. And sometimes, your actions hurt 2 instead of 1 and that's not including yourself. So I have all of this on my shoulders, plus the weight of my job and lack of doing it, and the stall in weight loss (thankfully not major GAIN there) has me at a pretty low point.

So how do I come up? How do I make better choices when I just don't feel it? And most of all, how do I afford to eat healthier when I am really broke and already on Food Stamps?