Wednesday, January 9, 2013


I had to change the layout of the blog because for some reason I could not click Reply to comments and there were a couple of fixes on Google for it but they did not work. So I just changed it to a simple one Blogger offers.

So so so so sorry for not posting in a while. Obviously with the holidays I did not have much to report. I did not do the best but I did not eat horribly, either. I had some lasagna for Christmas eve with Jacob's family. I did eat the noodles but I did not have much portion and I had none of the bread. I had some holiday cookies as well, in moderation. Just a couple a day. I tried my best to make a delicious looking pumpkin cookie recipe using almond flour and Stevia and let me tell you it sucked. It was sooo nasty. I don't know if it was the Stevia I bought that is made to use in baking or if I used too much or what. I redid the same recipe using real sugar but almond flour to at least eliminate that carb from the regular flour. It was good but really moist and sticky.

On Christmas day there was ham so I had lots of ham and veggies. I tried hard not to eat all the candy laying around, lots of candy. When I ate any I ate the dark chocolate ones to at least have the lesser of them all though this does not justify eating any at all. At least I had some SF dark chocolates for Christmas day. Those were delicious.

Other than that I've been eating mostly okay. I have been having a pretty bad issue with snacking lately and wrote a post to a support group on FB in which I said:

"I just been really really down lately. I feel like I did OK during holidays, not the best but just average. But the last 2 weeks have been snack hell. I don't know what even triggered it. I feel like I should blame TOM for it, because it's here now, but just my brain is a mess. I started losing again. I stalled at 275 and now I'm 272 this morning, but I can't really justify the weight loss because although I'm not eating crappy foods I'm just eating like every hour some little snack. I'm not doing that today. I'm just not. But I just feel so down. I also got some complaints at work about my quality so now I have to buckle down on that too. Just not a good day. I hate being broke and can't go buy a wad of veggies like I really have a taste for. I'm sick of string cheese string cheese string cheese. I like it but it's like the $6 bag of save-me food that I can afford. I drink Atkins shakes only because it's the only one I can stand. I try all kinds, although I'm still going to try Big Train Fit Frappe because I hear they are great. I got a sample but I haven't tried it. But the point is it's a lot on my shoulders to try to afford these, just moved and everything is just a mess. I am drinking my protein and water and eating mostly healthy although it can use a little more care also but really I'm ok in the actual 'what' I'm eating, it's just the quantity. I dont want to risk stretching my tummy out and I'm just freaking out freaking out about it so much."

That pretty much sums up what I've been feeling lately and all that has been going on. I really don't have much else to report. I haven't been exercising. I can't really find motivation and things I enjoy doing. We moved into a new apartment that I have had to go up and down 3 flights of stairs since our apartment is on the 3rd floor but being such a sedentary person I don't go out that much so I don't get to use them much. Is that weird? I used the crap out of them when we moved stuff up here and will do so again when my mom joins us. That'll be fun! Not.

At least I'm losing, regardless at what rate. I'm just trying to work on my diet again and get that back under control. You really don't realize it until you're practically obsessed and beating yourself up how much a few days of doing "whatever" in your diet i.e. for holidays can really screw up your routine for weeks and weeks. I never thought about it until I had surgery and now these things put me out of whack. It was my first year though so at least now I know. I just am awaiting food stamp renewal so I can buy the crap out of more veggies and Atkins protein shakes. This time its all for me and I won't have to share them so at least that is a little more $$ for healthy eating.

You'd think so little as I can eat that I would not be so wrapped up in food. I am envious and almost hateful in my thoughts towards those people who post on the facebook support groups how they forget to eat and they don't think about food and this or that. If you didn't have an addiction in the first place why did you opt for a surgery? Is that horrible to think? I feel like I've struggled my WHOLE LIFE with this addiction and still have trouble with it now and want to kick it. How come some people are just magically cured of everything and lose all the weight in the world and never care about food again and are at the same amount of time post op than me or more???


  1. When you have that answer, let me know, 'k?
    In the end, you have to take care of you & not think about what others are doing or saying. You've recognized some depression, now turn it to something good. Step away from yourself. Push yourself. Walk. Up & down those stairs at the least. Work more. Volunteer at something. Get involved away from yourself. Love u!

    1. That's true. It's hard though, because I want to be able to see success stories. There are a few, but all of them are way more active than me but because they can afford to be. I can't afford a gym or exercise machines for home, etc. I do have a recumbent bike my mom is bringing and I do walk, but I don't go to a gym or anything like that for anything more intensive. It's better than nothing, though!!