Thursday, January 16, 2014

Forced to face the truth

Sometimes there are times where my brain, no matter how many things I try to think about to try to change the trains track, just keeps going deeper and deeper. I'm sure other people have this sort of thing happen, but it's always about emotions and how I'm feeling about things, a situation, a person, whatever. Recollecting, realizing, missing, wishing, hoping, it doesn't matter. But it just always seems that when I'm on this level, no one else is there. I am truly alone and it's all in my head. Sometimes I just wish someone understood that and could meet me there no matter what they are feeling, to put their stuff aside so that they can help me in my head, no matter what time of day or anything like that.

It's just one of those things where, it's not a matter per se of being unhappy of a current relationship or a person, but just that I don't think that exists in anyone I've ever known, or heard about. I don't know if people like this exist other than myself. I'm not particular for reading books or anything so it is possible that these sort of things exist on written pages somewhere, similar to the stuff you see in movies that never happens in real life between 2 people emotionally and situationally. People even the most caring are still more worried about their own things than anyone elses, even someone that they are with and are in love with. That's just human nature for most people. I mean even I am doing that even now, but still I feel it's on a separate level from the entire universe.

Kissing eyelids, holding hands, thumbs caressing the veins within. Holding hips, pulling in close. Breathing in aroma from the tendrils curling down her face, arms holding across her chest protectively. There's nothing better than the feeling of comfort and consideration, when the brain of another has you on their mind. These things aren't optional.

Still all boils down to worthlessness. People who are worth these things have had the pleasure even if briefly. People like me have never had the pleasure, never had anyone call them beautiful in the way that the eyes are piercing the belief of such into your very soul...

So when all is said and done, and these things have been lack for so long, you cave into yourself. Everything is inside in a bottle, neatly placed on a shelf. All you can do is keep it locked and keep everything at a distance inside.

Perhaps it is probably better that no one else is on the same level in my brain.

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